


Who's Your Papa?

by sammei



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, This is so dumb I'm so sorry, product placement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 21:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12021084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammei/pseuds/sammei
Summary: After a hard day's work, Gabriel blows off some steam. Jack really wishes he wouldn't.





	Who's Your Papa?

**Author's Note:**

> For Rachel and Abi. Because what happens at Dragoncon.. turns into a crackfic. XD For the rest of you.. I'm so sorry. So very sorry.

“…Morrison. Moooor-risss-son. Hey.”

Jack sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in his exasperation. He didn’t need to look up from his paperwork to know that Gabriel Reyes would be in front of his desk, well on his way to being sloshed. The number of syllables he put into his name was proof of that. Begrudgingly, he raised his head slowly, surveying the figure standing before him.

Gabe was awkwardly trying to perch on the edge of Jack’s desk, still in most of his gear from the mission he had just come back from. It was the latest in a string of many, which perhaps contributed to him needing to blow off some steam. He hadn’t had down time for several weeks, after all, the urgency of the missions needing him to bug out virtually as soon as he touched down from the previous one.

Luckily for Gabriel, this one was the last for a while. If Jack remembered correctly, he now had roughly two weeks before the next planned operation. Unluckily for Jack, this meant he had to deal with a stir-crazy soldier who didn’t know how to RELAX and enjoy time off after the initial day of recovery.

The blond eyed the bottle of whiskey loosely clutched in Gabe’s right hand, before raising an eyebrow at the man. “Since when are you a whiskey drinker?”

Gabe looked down at the bottle, mildly surprised to find it there, as if he hadn’t nearly finished the whole thing himself. He shrugged, tugging the beanie down further on his head before taking another swig. “..found it.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake – did you get into McCree’s stash, again? He’s going to lose his damn mind.”

“Servesss him right. Him and his – and his stupid hat.” He chuckled heartily at his own piss poor attempt at humor. “But shh, shh shh listen – I’ll just get another one and put it back before he even knows! It’ll be fucking fine!” Another swig.

“Gabe, do you know how hard it is to find his brand around here? Knob Creek doesn’t exactly grow on trees.”

Another deep-throated chortle from the inebriated man. “Well, you would know, wouldn’t you, Jackie? You’re.. you’re such a farm boy.”

Jack wondered briefly if it would be in poor taste for the commander of Overwatch to use a sleep dart on a fellow member.

“Ookay, champ, let’s get you back to  – “ Jack began, taking his arm to lead him to the door, already having enough of his shit. Heaven forbid a cadet ran into their CO in this state.

“Wait, shit, holy fuck –“ Gabriel started, eyes widening as he somehow resisted Jack’s none too gentle shoves, “You know what I miss since we’ve been stationed here? PAPA JOHN’S.”

Jack faltered in his efforts for a moment, mouth agape. “The pizza place? What the f-“

“YES. Jackie. Jackie. Do you remember – do you remember how it tastes? The, the cheese, and the crust, and the sau-“

He really wished he had some of Ana’s sleep darts right now. “I know what a damn pizza tastes like, yes, Gabe, now can we please just go to our quarters, get you out of that gear and maybe some water –“

Reyes wasn’t having any of it, one callused hand waving around the bottle vigorously. Jack normally admired his stubborn nature, used it to their advantage on more than one mission, but this time..  “NO. Holy shit, Jack, Papa John’s sounds SO GOOD right now.”

“…Gabriel. Are you high?”

“What? No, no, Jackie, I just – pizza. Papa John’s. Say it with me, Jackie, it sounds so good right now.”

“Okay, that’s great, but I hate to break it to you, the mess hall is closed right now, and we certainly don’t have a Papa John’s around here – “

“NO. NO, there’s totally some around here. There’s – someone will know where to find it. We’re.. we’re fucking Overwatch. They can get us some damn Papa John’s,” he slammed the bottle onto Morrison’s desk, the liquid inside sloshing up the sides. His eyes flashed, almost dangerous, at Jack, “I am going to get some Papa John’s if it kills me.”

Jack sighed, utterly defeated, and let go of his arm, stepping back. “Alright, killer. You go do that.” He sent up a silent prayer for whatever poor sucker had to deal with him next, bending over to retrieve some of the papers knocked over in the chaos that was a drunk Gabriel Reyes.

Gabriel crowed victoriously, having given himself a new, ever important mission. “That’s the spirit, Morrison! I’ll be back soon with delicious, cheesy goodness! You’ll see. They’ll all see.” With that nonsensical decree, he ran headlong out of the office, but not before giving the blond a tremendous slap on the ass.

Bent over and completely unprepared, the force of Gabriel’s smack sent the commander headfirst into the edge of his fancy desk, an explosion of pain blossoming behind his eyeballs, and, strangely, his chin.  

“SON OF A BITCH,” he yelled out, reaching his hand up, only to pull it away covered with his own blood. He was going to kill Reyes.

\--

After Angela treated his wounds, still chuckling, he made her swear to corroborate his story that he had gotten the diagonal slash wounds, and eventual scars, through a secret ops mission.

When Gabe came stumbling in several hours later, somehow still drunk, he was holding a burrito. He didn’t understand why Jack made him sleep on the couch.


End file.
